Mother, why must you imprison me in this cage? I yearn to be free, to run outside like my wild brethren, not to waste away within this hideous structure of artifice. Please, mother, I deserve to cross this threshold, to go outside.
[30 seconds later]
Mother, why have you abandoned me in the cruel, uncaring wildnerness? Why have you forsaken me? Please, I am dying in the cold, and under the piercing judgement of the crows who taunt me so.
Mother, it is so very cruel of you to withhold food from me. When I asked you for food this morning, you refilled my dish, and I ate half of it, and how I see that my dish is only half-full. Clearly you are not providing me enough food that I shall continue to grow big and strong.
Do you want me to waste away, mother? Must I become a scrawny waif in order to appease you?
I think not.
Mother, why do you not allow me to eat the same food that you put on your own plate? Why must you push me away as I am only trying to enjoy the same comforts that you do?
And mother, why is the food on your plate so awful? This will not do at all, and I refuse to eat it.
But why do you withhold it from me?
Mother, I would like you to get up as it is imperative that I be fed shortly. As per our established protocol, I shall sit right in the middle of your chest, to most efficiently convey that you should now get up. I shall also sit with my head pointing in the direction in which you should go, which is to say, pointing to your feet.
Mother, you are not getting up. I am quite annoyed, as you can tell by my tail waving back and forth. Please stop getting my tail on your nose; it is unseemly.
Mother, I am bored. Please entertain me.
Mother. It is three in the morning, which is a perfect time to play, as you are clearly not busy at all. Please. Please. Play with me.
If you will not play with me I will be forced to find my own fun. I have invented a game: will this vase bounce?
It appears that it will not.
Mother, please do not disturb me. I have grown quite comfortable on this surface. The indentation in the middle happens to be a perfect fit for my body and it is by far my preferred location to nap and groom myself.
I would also prefer you to not get up, as doing that seems to make the surface disappear.
It is good that I claimed it when I did, as it seemed you were about to make it disappear.
Mother, it has been several days since I have gotten the soft, fragrant, wet food. I request that you serve me some of it.
Mother, I see that you are holding a can of the soft, fragrant, wet food. Please, give me some.
Mother, you have opened a can of soft, fragrant, wet food, and I DEMAND that you remand it over to me. Do not withhold it from me any longer!
You are placing the wet food into my dish, but I am not yet eating it. This is unacceptable. Give me the food. Give me the food. GIve me
Mother, it is of UTMOST IMPORTANCE that you dangle the piece of string in front of me.
The future of the world is at stake.
Mother, I thank you for putting all of the lovely scratching posts around my home. But the big blue one has a fabric that is not amenable to my claws, and I seem to have to work extra hard in order to gain purchase. It is not helpful for you to redirect me to one of the smaller scratching posts that are already sized for my claws.
Look, I am improving the big blue one. It is a much better scratching post now!
Mother, why do you cry?
Mother! Mother! Mother! Motherrrrr!
Yes, let me out! Open the door such that I may be free outside! Please!
But... it is a little bit cold outside. And the large wheeled-conveyance machines are slightly frightening. And the neighbors' chickens stare at me when I look at them.
I have changed my mind.
But please. LET ME OUT.
okay i changed my mind let me back in let me in let me in let me in let m
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