mother i am feeling far too sick to play or to be touched or to be bothered by the other cat and i cannot even stand to wear the collar with the bell as it is far too overwhelming
mother please do not touch me, allow me to die in peace as i languish in the comfort of the bed
oh but could you let me outside
Mother, one month ago you took me in the car to take me to the vet and I was Quite Unhappy. Then one week ago you took me in the car again to take me to the vet and I was again Quite Unhappy, and you absolutely PROMISED that I would not have to go in the car to the vet for about two years.
So tell me, mother, WHY AM I IN THE CAR. AGAIN.
Mother, there is an amazing other world on the other side of the gray ribbon on the ground! Why have I never explored this place? Oh, it is because I have always been frightened of the large creatures that zoom past. But I see none right now, so it must be safe to explore now.
Mother, why are you taking me back inside? I only wish to explore!
Mother, the other cat seems to think that just because he has occupied Box that he is the ruler of Box, when everyone knows that possession of Box is meaningless as far as a declaration of power is concerned.
That said, I would like Box. Please delegate me as the proper ruler of Box, as is demanded by the natural order of things.
Mother, I would like to go outside.
I don't care that it's raining, I would like to go outside.
Please, please, let me outside. I know it's raining, but please let me outside.
Thank you! I am going outside now.
MOTHER, it is raining! Let me back in, I demand that you let me back in!!!
I'm bored. Maybe I could go outside?
Mother, please summon Dot. I have not seen Dot in the near half a fortnight since you vanished suddenly, and I crave rapport with my only true friend, Dot.
I am even feeling so generous that Other Cat may also participate in the summoning of Dot and I shall not even complain. For Other Cat and I are both privy to the love of Dot.
I am so glad that you are back, Mother, for your return always presages the return of Dot.
Mother, I see you are eating ice cream.
Mother, I would like the ice cream.
You clearly did not notice my polite tap on your leg indicating that I would like the ice cream. Please, allow me to have the ice cream.
Mother. Mother. Mother. Please do not continue to withhold the ice cream.
Oh, I see that you are done with it. I shall now partake in the ice cream.
Oh, now my nose is cold.
Mother, I am Bored
No I do not want to play with Dot
No I do not want to play with String
No I certainly do not want to play with Other Cat
No I do not want to be petted
I will accept treats but those are not sufficient
No I do not want to go outside
Mother please stop touching me
but I am Bored
and I must have something to do
Mother! Mother! Open the door!
Other Cat and I are so worried that the door to the sleeping chamber is closed! Open the door!
Other Cat, please attempt to tunnel through the door, we must rescue Mother, who is bereft of our companionship!
Oh, Mother, you have opened the door. It was so silly for it to have been closed. We were starting to worry that perhaps you did not WANT us playing with you all night in the sleeping chamber.
Let us now play!
Mother, please let me outside. Other Cat and I would like to avail ourselves of the outdoor facilities, such as the large litter boxes with the plants, the all-you-can-eat buffet, and the shady forest-under-the-deck.
Ah, this is embarrassing, but it is rather cold outside; could you please let me back in?
Ah, but it turns out that I really want to be outside. Could you let me out… wait, no, do not, but do, but… do not… ah, no, I shall stay inside.
Oh but the door is closing? Yes I am outside.
[Note: I really did not want them to be indoor/outdoor cats, but even after 9 years of Fiona being strictly-indoors in a condo, the moment we moved to the suburbs she was immediately impossible to contain, and Tyler has also been resistant to staying inside. Both of them are rescue strays so they came pre-ruined, I think.]
[They are only allowed out with collars with bells on them and as far as I know they’ve been unsuccessful at ever catching a bird. They mostly stay near the house, too.]
[I am well aware of the whole “cats actually wander further than you think” but their collars also have AirTags on them and I’ve never seen them go more than 3 houses away. AirTags aren’t totally reliable for determining that, of course, but they typically only spend 1-2 hours outside at a time so it seems trustworthy as a metric. Usually they just hang out on my porch or deck, or follow me around in the yard while I garden.]
Yes mother, kiss kiss kiss, I appreciate that you love me but I would much rather you show me affection with food, mother. Kisses do not fill my tummy, they only warm my heart, and my heart is already overheating.
@fluffy ha, my kitten is uh... pretty wide-open.
but he's getting better at hiding.. or at least, at not purring too loud while hiding.
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