Mother, there is an amazing other world on the other side of the gray ribbon on the ground! Why have I never explored this place? Oh, it is because I have always been frightened of the large creatures that zoom past. But I see none right now, so it must be safe to explore now.
Mother, why are you taking me back inside? I only wish to explore!
Mother, the other cat seems to think that just because he has occupied Box that he is the ruler of Box, when everyone knows that possession of Box is meaningless as far as a declaration of power is concerned.
That said, I would like Box. Please delegate me as the proper ruler of Box, as is demanded by the natural order of things.
Mother, I would like to go outside.
I don't care that it's raining, I would like to go outside.
Please, please, let me outside. I know it's raining, but please let me outside.
Thank you! I am going outside now.
MOTHER, it is raining! Let me back in, I demand that you let me back in!!!
I'm bored. Maybe I could go outside?
Mother, please summon Dot. I have not seen Dot in the near half a fortnight since you vanished suddenly, and I crave rapport with my only true friend, Dot.
I am even feeling so generous that Other Cat may also participate in the summoning of Dot and I shall not even complain. For Other Cat and I are both privy to the love of Dot.
I am so glad that you are back, Mother, for your return always presages the return of Dot.
Mother, I see you are eating ice cream.
Mother, I would like the ice cream.
You clearly did not notice my polite tap on your leg indicating that I would like the ice cream. Please, allow me to have the ice cream.
Mother. Mother. Mother. Please do not continue to withhold the ice cream.
Oh, I see that you are done with it. I shall now partake in the ice cream.
Oh, now my nose is cold.
Mother, I am Bored
No I do not want to play with Dot
No I do not want to play with String
No I certainly do not want to play with Other Cat
No I do not want to be petted
I will accept treats but those are not sufficient
No I do not want to go outside
Mother please stop touching me
but I am Bored
and I must have something to do
Mother! Mother! Open the door!
Other Cat and I are so worried that the door to the sleeping chamber is closed! Open the door!
Other Cat, please attempt to tunnel through the door, we must rescue Mother, who is bereft of our companionship!
Oh, Mother, you have opened the door. It was so silly for it to have been closed. We were starting to worry that perhaps you did not WANT us playing with you all night in the sleeping chamber.
Let us now play!
Mother, please let me outside. Other Cat and I would like to avail ourselves of the outdoor facilities, such as the large litter boxes with the plants, the all-you-can-eat buffet, and the shady forest-under-the-deck.
Ah, this is embarrassing, but it is rather cold outside; could you please let me back in?
Ah, but it turns out that I really want to be outside. Could you let me out… wait, no, do not, but do, but… do not… ah, no, I shall stay inside.
Oh but the door is closing? Yes I am outside.
[Note: I really did not want them to be indoor/outdoor cats, but even after 9 years of Fiona being strictly-indoors in a condo, the moment we moved to the suburbs she was immediately impossible to contain, and Tyler has also been resistant to staying inside. Both of them are rescue strays so they came pre-ruined, I think.]
[They are only allowed out with collars with bells on them and as far as I know they’ve been unsuccessful at ever catching a bird. They mostly stay near the house, too.]
[I am well aware of the whole “cats actually wander further than you think” but their collars also have AirTags on them and I’ve never seen them go more than 3 houses away. AirTags aren’t totally reliable for determining that, of course, but they typically only spend 1-2 hours outside at a time so it seems trustworthy as a metric. Usually they just hang out on my porch or deck, or follow me around in the yard while I garden.]
Mother, you do not need to go into the wet room. If you would like to clean off I will happily groom you! I know that you are not flexible enough to reach much of your body with your own tongue.
Mother, why are you going into the wet room? I told you--
Mother, you have been there for quite some time. You must be horrified!
Mother, why are you lacking urgency with your exit from the wet room?
I have many concerns.
Mother? Mother? Where are you? I know you are around here somewhere as I hear you in the dark underground place but I cannot see you, and mother…
Mother, I am dying. I am dying, mother, I am dying.
Dying for a lack of attention, and of the great sadness which consumes me.
I am dying, mother. Can you not hear my anguish?
I need your hugs to live.
Mother, even though I am grown, and you did not birth me, seeing your pendulous breast fills me with such desire, such longing, such… nostalgia.
You present it to me, and so I shall accept your offer and attempt to nurse.
Mother! Why do you yowl in pain?!
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